This is another story from my recovery that might be TMI for some people. Read with caution, or skip.

So while describing my initial hospitalization I mentioned an open question:

What exactly my anus is supposed to be doing for those three months is a question I forget to ask.

And now I know from the questions and comments I’ve received that many of you are curious too.

The answer turns out to be “nothing much” for most of the time, with occassional bouts of Phantom Limb sensation.

Now the “phantom limb” in this case is my large intestines, which are no longer hooked up to my rectum. The sensation they are missing is the pressure that comes when stool builds up in the colon, which in turn triggers the sensations of “needing to go”.

So one or two times a day I get the sensation of “needing to go”. I logically know that’s an impossibility, but apparently my rectum is not swayed by logic, so I had to look for alternative methods of getting the sensation to go away. It turns out there is one way to get it to go away and that’s to go and sit on the toilet as if I were having a bowl-movement. And I realize, as I sit here, on the toilet, not having a bowl-movement, that what I’m really doing in playing “make pretend” for my rectum. And it works!

I wonder if my rectum will be as grateful as my kids are for all the time I spent playing “make pretend” with them?