This colostomy takedown surgery is the second in the pair of surgeries I have had this year. If you would like to read the story of how I came to need a colostomy takedown please read A thing that happened. As opposed to the first surgery which was done as an emergency procedure, this was a planned surgery, which made a world of difference. We were able to research and hire a patient advocate to stay with me a few nights, apply for short term disability before the surgery, etc.

When you have a stoma every day is arts and crafts day. I swear I’ve modified more articles of clothing than my sister did during her entire teenage life in the 80s.

This is another story from my recovery that might be TMI for some people. Read with caution, or skip. So while describing my initial hospitalization I mentioned an open question: What exactly my anus is supposed to be doing for those three months is a question I forget to ask. And now I know from the questions and comments I’ve received that many of you are curious too.

It’s now been close to three weeks since my emergency surgery and I am recoving slowly. As I’ve gotten better I’ve progressed through the three stages of TV watching: Can’t watch TV, too much activity and sound. I could sit here and watch David Attenborough for days on end. If I watch any more TV my brain is going to melt and flow out through my ears. BTW, what happened to cooking shows on TV?

So here I am on a Tuesday morning, in the bathroom, getting ready for work while my wife still sleeps. The only context you need for what’s about to happen next is that my intestines had been a little sore the previous two days and that last year I found out that I had diverticulosis. The latter found because when you turn 50 you get a free colonoscopy. I really don’t think there is a more apt metaphor for turning 50 than a free colonoscopy.

I have been absent for the majority of the past three weeks due to various family medical issues. Everyone is OK now and I'm back to work. Part of the time I was out was because I had surgery, a septoplasty and turbinate reduction. Let me tell you about that surgery. Oh, if you are squeamish you should stop reading now. Really, just stop now. You've been warned.